Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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