That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
