Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
