we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
