Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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