i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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