Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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