Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
