it was like his penis was on wheels.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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