I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
