So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
