he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
