I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
