she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
