Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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