Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
