God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize