so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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