Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
