yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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