You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
