im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize