Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
