Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
