I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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