Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize