You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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