the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
