I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
