just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
