why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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