I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
