I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
