I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
