after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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