the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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