3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
