i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You have to summon your inner elephant
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
