Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
