I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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