u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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