now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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