maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
