A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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