well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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