While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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