I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
