I have demons in me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize