know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
