If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
