i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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