i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
smell my finger.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
