i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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