I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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