True but thats because hes a fetus.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize