Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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