if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
