Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize