I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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