Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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