My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm so fucking centered right now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
