You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
