I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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