Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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