I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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